But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
