did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
