that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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