he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
