I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
