My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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