Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
