omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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