If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
