people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
