It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
