You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
