Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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