Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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