i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
