Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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