So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
