when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
