He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
