just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
