I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
