would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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