hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
