ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
