Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just threw up on my dentist
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize