please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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