its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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