: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
