So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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