5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
