Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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