He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
