To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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