i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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