I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
