The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
