Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
