we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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