Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
