dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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