if you like me you must not know who I am
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
