why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
