Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
