i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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