He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
