so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
