i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
