Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
