Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
whose ass print is on the piano?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize