I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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