the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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