She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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