Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
