the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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