you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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