at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
