scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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