you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
