So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
