We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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