Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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