just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
