I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I pour the whiskey from now on
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
