my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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