Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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