I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
