I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
