I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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