bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
