i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
