How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
