And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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