so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
