whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
