If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
