I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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