Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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