My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
