She announced her abortion via fbk
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
