i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
