i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
