in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
